I have found my self lately with the Baby Blues.....no I am not pregnant, that is why I am having the baby blues. My clock is ticking right now and I am so badly wanting to be pregnant. We are not trying to get pregnant (not yet anyway) and I honestly don't know when we will start trying again.
It seems everywhere I turn there are pregnant women...friends, relatives, other bloggers, women on the street, in the stores, and my daycare parents. I am happy for every woman I know and see that is pregnant right now..but I am struggling so much with wanting to complete my own family for the last time.
Just tonight I finally took down my son's baby crib (he got a big boy bed). A little part of me is wondering when will I be putting the crib back together again? I can remember every time we put the crib together for each of our children. I don't remember being sad about taking it apart each time because I knew there was going to be a next time when it would be put back together, but tonight I find myself wondering if there will be a next time? Don't get me wrong..I am so thankful that God has blessed us with the 3 perfect, wonderful, loving children that we have, but I have always wanted 4 children for our family.
I pray that God sends me a sign and lets me know when the time is right. So for now I will rejoice with my friends and family over their pregnancies but I will do so with a little bit of a heavy heart.