Friday, September 18, 2009

A stranger from my past

Earlier today I got onto my facebook page and I had a message from my long lost brother. I should clarify that he is my step brother, my father was married before he married my mom, and he was married several times after my mom as well. I have not spoken to or seen my step brothers or sister since I was in grade school.

So to start from the beginning. My parents divorced when I was only 3 years old. My father moved out and never really had a relationship with me. No, I never grew up being "Daddy's Girl", I did however grow up being "Mommies Girl". I had a wonderful child hood, my mom never remarried after my father cheated and then left her. It was the two of us my entire life, and I would not have it any other way.

When I was younger my father never, and I mean never celebrated holidays with me or my birthday. I have always wondered why he spent holidays with his "other" children but never me. He would rarely call me, I almost always had to call him. If I wanted to come see him he was usually busy. I remember only a few memories of times with him and only two with my brothers and sister. My favorite memory is from when I was 5 years old and my father picked me up for the afternoon, we went and had pictures taken together. Sure I shed a lot of tears and I was hurt about it but after so many years I learned to live with and to move on with my life. I always figured if he wanted a relationship he would call, I guess my father thinks the same of me. He has met my two girls several several years ago, but he has no clue that I have a 2 year old son. My father sold his house a few years ago without telling me. I only found out when I drove to his house and there was a sold sign in the yard. He has never given me his new phone number or his new address.

So to fast forward to today... my brother (step) found me on facebook. He said "I am looking for Erin my step sister, you look kind of like her, if this is the right Erin please accept me as a friend on facebook". My heart skipped a beat, not in my wildest dreams did I think my siblings would ever search for me. Of course I accepted him as a friend on FB, I did leave him a short message. But what do you say to someone you have not seen in 27 years? I had so many questions I would love to ask him...why didn't anyone ever want to keep in touch with me? Why is our father a jerk? Why did he not want to make time for me when I was growing up? Why did he have so much time for you and the other kids, but not me? Why did he move away and not bother to tell me? Why didn't anyone bother to call me when our brother died a few years ago? Don't you think I wanted to grieve along with you? And the most important question of all...Why didn't he love me?

I knew these were questions for my father and not my brother. Maybe one day when I get up enough nerve I will ask my father these questions and so many others that I have for him. So for now I look forward to reconnecting with my brother on Facebook, I do not think I could handle a face to face reconnection.

5 comments:

Valerie

My heart broke as I was reading this post. You did a terrific job relaying your emotions through words; sometimes I had goosebumps other times my heart skipped a beat or felt like it was in my throat.

I am so sorry that your childhood relationship with your father was basically, nill, BUT as you said, and I know, you have an awesome mom. Your relationship with her reminds of my close friend from grade school, Julia. Julia's dad died when we were five, and Marion (her mom) never remarried. Julia and her mom are so close; much closer than my mom and me. I think death (and I consider divorce a type of death; it's the death of a marriage, hopes, dreams) does that for relationships.

I know you know this, but just in case you are ever down and looking for confirmation, you absolutely are right for feeling hurt, confused, mistreated, etc, and it was never your fault that you father didn't have the type of relationship that you wanted.

I'm wondering (as often times as he's been married) what kind of relationship he had with your stepsister? Perhaps he has horrid relationships with females, but is able to bond with men (i.e. your step/half brothers)?

Thanks for being such a good friend to me,
Val

erin

Thanks Val, Love ya.

Tina Fisher

I am very sorry! I hope one day you can ask your Dad these questions.

I am glad your brother found you on FB! It's amazing what can happen on FB.

I hope one day your father seeks you and "gets it'.

Tina

erin

yes Tina I hope one day he "gets it' also.

Annie's Alphabet

Hi,
You may find he is the same way with your step family. I got to see my dad every other weekend but still felt the same...why do they get him? I learned as an adult that life for my step family could get pretty difficult with him around.
Let us know how it goes with your step brother.

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