Earlier today I got onto my facebook page and I had a message from my long lost brother. I should clarify that he is my step brother, my father was married before he married my mom, and he was married several times after my mom as well. I have not spoken to or seen my step brothers or sister since I was in grade school.
So to start from the beginning. My parents divorced when I was only 3 years old. My father moved out and never really had a relationship with me. No, I never grew up being "Daddy's Girl", I did however grow up being "Mommies Girl". I had a wonderful child hood, my mom never remarried after my father cheated and then left her. It was the two of us my entire life, and I would not have it any other way.
When I was younger my father never, and I mean never celebrated holidays with me or my birthday. I have always wondered why he spent holidays with his "other" children but never me. He would rarely call me, I almost always had to call him. If I wanted to come see him he was usually busy. I remember only a few memories of times with him and only two with my brothers and sister. My favorite memory is from when I was 5 years old and my father picked me up for the afternoon, we went and had pictures taken together. Sure I shed a lot of tears and I was hurt about it but after so many years I learned to live with and to move on with my life. I always figured if he wanted a relationship he would call, I guess my father thinks the same of me. He has met my two girls several several years ago, but he has no clue that I have a 2 year old son. My father sold his house a few years ago without telling me. I only found out when I drove to his house and there was a sold sign in the yard. He has never given me his new phone number or his new address.
So to fast forward to today... my brother (step) found me on facebook. He said "I am looking for Erin my step sister, you look kind of like her, if this is the right Erin please accept me as a friend on facebook". My heart skipped a beat, not in my wildest dreams did I think my siblings would ever search for me. Of course I accepted him as a friend on FB, I did leave him a short message. But what do you say to someone you have not seen in 27 years? I had so many questions I would love to ask him...why didn't anyone ever want to keep in touch with me? Why is our father a jerk? Why did he not want to make time for me when I was growing up? Why did he have so much time for you and the other kids, but not me? Why did he move away and not bother to tell me? Why didn't anyone bother to call me when our brother died a few years ago? Don't you think I wanted to grieve along with you? And the most important question of all...Why didn't he love me?
I knew these were questions for my father and not my brother. Maybe one day when I get up enough nerve I will ask my father these questions and so many others that I have for him. So for now I look forward to reconnecting with my brother on Facebook, I do not think I could handle a face to face reconnection.